“Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything, it is because we are dangerously close to wanting nothing.”
― Sylvia Plath
It wasn’t too long ago that I was struggling to come back from minor surgery. After a six week hiatus from CrossFit I was barely slogging by. My motivation had slowed to a trickle – barely audible. It was everything I could do to get to a WOD, let alone finish. My MoJo was on hiatus and I was worried it was gone for good. It wasn’t just my desire to work out, those moments you can battle through, but it was that feeling during the workout and specifically right after; that moment of finishing and feeling like you could simply do anything…That you were stronger than ever before. That feeling was missing. It was all I could do to barely finish a workout and when I was done I was left feeling more tired, completely exhausted, out of breath, barely able to stand and with the final haunting thought; I don’t need this shit. That koolaid, that feeling of getting better and stronger was simply gone. And that was scary as hell.
“But, I love CrossFit,” I thought.
I worried about what was happening to me. Was this only the beginning? Would I just start giving up on everything? Spend the rest of my days beached on the couch watching endless hours of reality TV and snacking on Oreo’s?
Like that sad empty feeling when you know you’re falling out of love with someone and you desperately struggle against it yet feel it all silently slipping. You feel powerless.
And that is exactly how I felt in May. I’ve put so much into my CrossFit basket. Perhaps too much. Perhaps not. I don’t think doing so is a mistake but that’s another post.
CrossFit is healthy. CrossFit teaches focus and discipline and working towards goals and leading by example and specifically how to not give up, especially when everything starts to really suck. Especially then – how to not give up.
And so I made a decision, with the discipline learned from a love that was falling away – I made a decision to not give up quite yet.
My goal: to find my lost MoJo. The plan: to reconnect. Any way possible. And so I reached out to Dean.
Together Dean and I set our sights on a goal long on the Horizon, the Mass State Strongman Competition. I would compete in the Novice division, Dean would train me to get ready.
Fast forward 10 weeks, after hours of showing up and training with Dean and countless WODs in the gas tank – I can happily say I feel reconnected again.
This weekend our lovely Strongman Coach, Cat, and I will be driving to a small town outside of Boston to compete in the Mass State Strongman Competition. With some hard work and sweat under my belt, with Dean’s pushing and training, I can say I’m happy, I’m excited, I’m ready, The weather forecast is 77 degrees and sunny. I feel stronger than ever before. I’ve found my MoJo.