What’s found.

“Accept who you are; and revel in it.” ― Mitch Albom

Yesterday I received an email that began as follows:

Dear Mary,

Thank you for giving me the chance to read your work.  I am pleased to tell you that you have been selected to participate in this spring’s Writers Workshop.  Your manuscript stood out among a competitive pool of applicants. Congratulations.

If you read this blog you know two things, how much I love the following:

  1. CrossFit, and
  2. Writing.

This past week I received recognition for my hard work in each. In one week. Within days of one another. An award in one and recognition by acceptance into a workshop for another.

This kind of thing simply does not happen in life. It doesn’t! You wake up, you go to work, you go home, you spend 22 minutes throwing the tennis ball for your giant German Shedder, and if you’re lucky you make a nice dinner and watch Biggest Loser and go to bed. There’s some detours and holidays tossed in there but for the most part you hit repeat for the next day and the next and the next.

“You know that what you need to do is possible to do, even though difficult, and sense of time disappears. You forget yourself. You feel part of something larger.”— Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi on experiencing ‘flow’

If you have enough left in the day you throw your energy into something that’s really important to you, that makes your heart sing, that warms you from the inside out and gives you a sense of calm, a sense of purpose, that fills you with unconditional love for all things near to you and far. You see beauty and feel compassion and your heart swells with possibility.

When I write, time stands still.

It’s not all pixy dust and unicorns. There are the dark days of work; the toil and getting up and getting out and putting one foot in front of the other. I talk about these days often, sometimes from the isolated moments in the parking lot at ACF just before finding that last push from within needed to get out of the car and go through the doors. I fight with this familiar voice in my head that says, ‘Just go home, you deserve a rest day, pick up a gallon of Oreo ice cream on the way, you have definitely earned it.’

There are even darker days with writing. I’ve only known CrossFit for a year and half, I’ve known writing my whole life.

Writing is not what I do. Writing is who I am. I am always writing, jotting things down on pieces of paper, typing notes in my phone, or even simply and silently in my head – telling myself to try and remember this moment for later. There’s even the token notebook by the bed. Whatever it takes. The thoughts are endless and they are usually followed by, ‘Remember this, write it down. There’s a story here.’

The drive to write comes from a drive to ultimately someday compile it all in a friendly way and get it out there, get it published. Why? Because I want to reach people. I want to be that voice that reaches through the pages to you in that single solitary moment and let’s you know you are not alone. The voice that lifts you up or makes you laugh, or helps you remember, or forgive, or finally make that tough decision. A voice of a stranger who is now a trusted friend; private and knowing.

There is a quote painted on the wall at ACF that reads: ‘No, it doesn’t get any easier and you wouldn’t want it to either.’ I think of this often. It reminds me that whatever you are going through, chances are someone else has gone through it too and may even be going through it right now too. It is in the struggle to keep going that we find ourselves. It is in the will to find the energy to dig deeper and work harder and the desire to change for the better, that we come to know who we really are, and hopefully you’re happy with what you find.

I. Strength:

3 Hi-Hang Cleans + 1 Push Jerk x 5 Sets

* Rest 60 Seconds

** Heaviest Possible

Completed: at 55lbs., 65lbs., 75lbs., 85lbs., 95lbs. Damn I like Hang Power Cleans, even with the squat thrown in. The Oly shoes make it extra awesome as they make the feet and body feel secure and stable.

II. Conditioning:

20 Minute Partner AMRAP:

Partner A) Row 400m

Partner B) As Many Kettlebell Swings (53/35) As Possible.

* Both Partners Moving At The Same Time.

** Score Is Total Distance Rowed + Kettlebell Swings completed.

Completed: with Kim, as we had a WOD date today.  Awww. 3,809 total meters rowed. The worst part being the non-stop KB swings at 35lbs. Which were not totally non-stop, as I averaged two breaks per round.

Athlete of the Year. Thank you. Open WOD 13.1

“You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestation of your own blessings.” 
― Elizabeth Gilbert

It’s a strange thing being nominated for and then winning an award. Throws you into a tizzy of activity, and your whole routine gets amped up. For me it did anyway, suddenly I wasn’t just going to ACF for my daily WOD. Suddenly I began to put pressure on myself, excited about the nomination, wanting to win. Getting a manicure and pedicure.

Last week I didn’t feel like just another member anymore at ACF. I felt special, different, a little bit removed. This can be good and bad. I tend to think about things too much as it is. Generally I’m more comfortable blending in. Which is funny considering I do not blend, as I stand head and shoulders above most. But at ACF everyone is used to my height, so aside from the occasional joke from one of the coaches I’m just another member there to do my best. I relish this. Out in the real world, out in public, people tend to stare or point. Strangers will even come up and ask me questions; How tall are you? Did you play basketball? Once while standing in line at the grocery store with a former boyfriend who was 3 inches shorter than me, the woman in line in front of us turned around and stared at us. She looked me up and down. She looked said boyfriend up and down and then she said, ‘Well, you know what they say, we’re all the same height horizontally.’

True story.

I suppose it’s not that I don’t like to stand out, I would just like to be noticed for things other than the most obvious. Wouldn’t we all. To me, walking up to someone and saying, ‘You’re tall’ is the epitome of stating the obvious and being lazy. Wouldn’t it mean so much more if we took the time to notice little not so obvious things about one another, positive things, and then pointed them out? You’re very patient, you’re a good listener, you have a nice style about you.

Way back when in 1998 in a bar in Denver I was out with a group of friends shooting pool and drinking beer when a black gentleman came up to me and said, ‘Wow, you’re really tall, did you play basket ball?’ Having had just the perfect amount of beers and feeling confident I replied, ‘You’re really black, did you?’

He looked at me and didn’t say a thing.  My friend Kerry started eyeing the Exits.

After a moment the gentleman smiled and then high-fived me and said, ‘Right on, can I buy you a drink?’

Back to being awarded Female Athlete of the Year by my ACF peeps: Pretty freaking awesome. Being recognized for something you work so hard at, is really quite something. When you’re working hard, when you’re really working hard, and you’re forcing yourself out the door against being tired or hungry or the dishes still sitting in the sink and the bills not getting paid… when you’re pushing yourself just one step further, one moment more even when you think you can’t… You really don’t think anyone is actually noticing. It’s dark, you’re tired, it’s late, or too early and it’s cold and you just want to eat some Trader Joe’s curried chicken straight from the bucket and crawl under the covers. But somehow you don’t. You push through the powerful pull to stay and you keep going.

So when you actually do get noticed for something so incredibly positive and in your mind not obvious at all… well, it’s like being blessed.

Thank you ACF.

OPEN WOD 13.1

WOMEN – includes Masters Women up to 54 years old
Proceed through the sequence below completing as many reps as possible in 17 minutes of:
40 Burpees
45 pound Snatch, 30 reps
30 Burpees
75 pound Snatch, 30 reps
20 Burpees
100 pound Snatch, 30 reps
10 burpees
120 pound Snatch, as many reps as possible

Completed: 114 reps. Happy to have the first Open WOD in the books. Mediocre score, but this is my first Open and I’m happy just to learn strategy. After judging on Saturday and being a part of the absolute raw energy and excitement of a lot of athletes pushing themselves towards their very best, I feel energized for 13.2.

sticky notes.

“For the first time in my life I saw the truth as it is set into song by so many poets, proclaimed as the final wisdom by so many thinkers. The truth – that Love is the ultimate and highest goal to which man can aspire. Then I grasped the meaning of the greatest secret that human poetry and human thought and belief have to impart: The salvation of man is through love and in love.”
― Viktor E. Frankl

I’ve been nominated for female Athlete of the Year at ACF. I’m afraid to admit it but this means a lot to me.

First, the resistant thoughts: the award feels out of nowhere. The four nominees were picked by the coaches, what were the qualifications for being nominated? How did they decide? I am hardly a top athlete at ACF, nor a member of the competition team, and I scale most of my WODs. I do not even have double-unders yet. Yet.

So there we go.

Now, some more rationale: if you think about it, how many times in your life are you nominated for anything? Especially for something you enjoy and work at. It’s not as if I knew such an award existed and have been working towards it ever since joining ACF. No, pretty sure the award is new this year. I do not want to be a part of a popularity contest. I do want to be a part of being recognized for hard work. And if you read this blog you know I like to work. I like goals. I like goals because I do my best work in life when working towards goals.

I relish being surrounded by positive people and strongly believe we all deserve to be supported and loved on the paths we each choose, whether we agree or not, whether you’re leaving me behind and I’m sad to see you go.

There is a sticky note on the dashboard of my car that reads; To Do: Act from Good. My overall goal in life is to act from good. It’s not easy. Sometimes it just plain sucks. I get jealous and sensitive and sad and disappointed and can grow angry and quiet and just want to be left alone. But I do not enjoy acting from these places and try to move out of them as best as is possible, gently rescuing myself and those around me that might have been dragged down too. There is such a thing as karma, but there is also the belief in being a part of the good. A greater good. Where there is darkness; light. Darkness is easy, light takes patience and love.

So, the award. I’m thrilled. The winner will be voted for by ACF members on Saturday night. I am trying to not put too much thought or hope into actually winning the award. I do not want to be disappointed. I do not want to wish failure on others. There’s also no such thing as a trophy for everyone. That’s ridiculous. The whole point of entering the race is the chance of winning some day. Where’s the fun in not being able to Win!

So here I stand in the land somewhere between grateful, hopeful, patient, and free puppies and world peace for everyone if I win.

I. Strength:

In 12 minutes, work up to a heavy single of Shoulder-to-Overhead

Completed: working up to 110lbs. overhead. Failed at 115lbs. My split jerk was off tonight, it’s  usually a movement I feel very comfortable with, but not tonight.

II. Conditioning:

Open WOD 12.3

AMRAP in 18 Minutes of:

15 Box Jumps (24/20)

12 Push Press (115/75)

9 Toes-To-Bar

Completed: at 20″ box jumps, 55lbs. push press, knees to elbows. 7 rounds total plus 2.

I like these 8:30pm classes. Gives you time to get home after work, unpack the day, play with the dog, settle. The key is to not get too settled and to remember that you are going to go out again.

When you do make it back home, usally for me around 10pm, you are ready for bed in every way. Tired, beaten, accomplished.