Finding the Why.

“He who has a Why to live for can bear almost any How.” – Nietzsche

Have you’ve ever looked at something and decided you absolutely had to have it? That your happiness absolutely depended upon having it and that suddenly you’re living a life of depravity as a result of not owning it?

Take a moment and read the first few chapters of Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. It will cure you of these feelings of depravity and uncertainty.

Because chances are if you are reading this you have access to the internet and therefor a computer and electricity and heat and a pair of shoes and so forth. I think sometimes we get so caught up in what we want, our consumption of things and goals and in my case, the awesome gear and clothes we use and wear when working to reach those goals, that we forget how much we actually already have. I do anyway, or did. Until I started reading Viktor’s book today.

Man’s Search for Meaning has more than 12 million copies in print worldwide since first being published in 1946. The Library of Congress thinks it belongs on a list of the ’10 Most Influential Books in the United States.’ When asked to reflect on the bestseller status of his book, Viktor wrote that he did not see the book’s success as “…an achievement or accomplishment on my part but rather an expression of the misery of our time…”

Where have I been that I am only just now discovering such a powerful read? I’m hooked. It’s one of those books that checks you at the gate, strips you down and invites you to finally see what’s most important for you minus all the noise and baggage. A welcomed reprieve. I’ve been looking for this. I’m over way stimulated. Electronically, specifically. I’m completely addicted to my iPhone. It is the source for everything in my life; social interaction, news, booking the next vacation, even, sadly, my primary source for feeling connected to those around me. It’s my boyfriend, best friend and big sister and mom and dad all at the same time. And it’s an electronic device. I find this so sad. That ‘connected’ feeling does not last very long and it is all actually not even real.

Since I’m on hiatus from CrossFit this blog is now heretofore about the general day to day. Digressing.

Below are some things I’ve learned since going back to work but still not being able to CrossFit and therefor having more time to do ‘other’ things:

  1. More time to read. This is glorious. As a result of the Writing Workshop I’ve learned of some new titles that inspire me to don the reading glasses for hours on end. Here’s a sampling: Another Bullshit Night In Suck City, by Nick Flynn, Drinking, A Love Story, by Caroline Knapp, Duke of Deception by Geoffrey Wolff.
  2. I spend too much money. Doing your taxes forces you to think about money. The money you earn and the money you keep. I’m terrible at money. I spend way too much. In redoing my budget (in doing a budget) it appears I spend the majority of my money on groceries and clothes and CrossFit (membership, entrance fees, spandex). It’s interesting, but I’m only 36 pages into Viktor’s book and I feel like a complete glutton – all my paleo speak and grassfed meats and throwing away all the non-paleo groceries in your kitchen as some strict paleo cook book advises – Leaves me feeling spoiled. Granted there’s genuine truth especially in reference to our modern food chain, but stressing about whether or not to add cream in my coffee seems pretty minute when not too long ago an entire race of people were sustaining on a 10.5oz piece of bread per day if not less. ‘…we could watch our bodies beginning to devour themselves,’ Viktor writes. The horror of the holocaust is not the point of Viktor’s book, nor is it the point of this post. The point of this post is that I’ve been inspired to do more with less. Specifically, to see if I can make it till the end of April with what I already have, not with what I want to have or plan to have by purchasing it. That’s it. Just till the end of April. And then beyond.
  3. If you want something done ask a busy person. Not sure who said this but it’s true. Two weeks off from work and I was not very productive. True, I was recovering and at times in pain and hopped up on some pretty decent drugs… man. Alas, I was not very productive. I had all these grandiose visions of reading and writing and insightful pensive moments while looking out the window. But mostly what I did was sleep and watch a lot of really bad TV. And sleep some more. If anything it gave me a welcomed respite to do such things only to reaffirm the knowing that doing such things full time would thankfully not be for me. Since going back to work I’ve been more fruitful with my time: taking time to sit down and read, followed by writing, also switched out the winter clothes, gave the dog a bath, and oh look, put a new budget in place.
  4. Speaking of budgets – I’ve lowered my grocery budget by 25%, which means I have $34 to spend on groceries from now until May 1. I’ve challenged myself to eat what’s in the cupboards and the freezer and the fridge and only spend on the essentials. That’s $34 for approximately the next 13 days. That’s almost $3 per day! This does not include my coffee shop budget which is currently $20 per month, of which I have $17 remaining. These funds can be intermingled but the total amount spent cannot exceed $51. $20 a month for coffee shops may seem like a lot to you but I love my coffee. Coffee is one of the very few indulgences still acceptable in all its frothy whipped steamy goodness for just about any time of day. This fits in nicely with my Intermittent Fasting post surgery approach. Since engaging IF and a 4 hour feed window I’ve lost 5lbs. and still feel relatively lean, focused and in control. Determined. I’m basically drinking water all day and then coming home and eating a healthy protein with lots of greens along with some healthy fats and a couple slices of cheese. My body is reacting well.

I’m inching closer to discovering the Why.

More on Viktor’s book tomorrow.

all ninja like

I have this image in my head. If I were to go really strict with my diet, and keep up my training, I would become like a ninja. All stealth and lithe-like. My muscles rippling and shiny. Simply reaching for a cup of coffee would cause those around me to pause in awe as they witnessed the symphonic movement of my flexors.

But ninjas can be mean and draw blood, and this part I do not like. So, if possible, I’d like to be like a cute cuddly ninja, all ripped and stealth, and offering hugs during down time. Like this penguin. Again, except ripped.

Either way, I still have to get there, to Stealth-ness. And that involves a great deal of discipline. Just read a great article on diet: Talk to me Johnnie. He goes even further in how to get super lean: Leaning Out.

It’s all laid out for me, Right There. Pretty simple stuff. You just have to do it. I just have to do it.

Insert hurdle: Here. I have commitment issues. To diet. I have workout portion down. But the gauntlet needs to be handed down with the diet. While food intake for the majority of the time is good and much along the lines of Johnnie’s guidelines, there are moments of cheat. And therein lies my issue. The cheats need to go. Just need to find the wherewithal to bid them adeau. I think discipline, true Discipline, doesn’t get the billing it deserves. Especially from me.

Super Bowl Sunday Rest Day Paleo Eggs Benedict Breakfast

So easy to make, with poached eggs and bacon.  Ended up cooking the asparagus in the same pan after the bacon was done.  Hello? Paleo hollandaise sauce recipe found here.

Celebratory Speedbumps

Okay. So, I’ve been a food slacker the last couple of weekends. During the week my diet has been strictly primal, but the weekends come, and it all starts sliding to HellinaHandBasket. Whatever that means. Actually, its not that bad. I’m still pretty good. The thing about eating primal, the cravings for bad carbs goes away for the most part. You feel full and satisfied, energetic, and healthy. It’s really quite something. But what happens with me, inevitably, is; as I gain momentum and really start rolling in a healthy primal direction, some holiday appears, or celebration, or, umm… birthday. And I start slipping up, here, and there, in guilty indulgent increments. And then it becomes exponentially harder to put on the brakes. And the Holidays, the reasons to celebrate, will always be there. Take this upcoming weekend for instance, its the freaking Super Bowl. One of the most carb and cheese laden Holidays known to modern man.

In the end its what we do with these, at least in my case, these Celebratory Speedbumps, that makes all the difference. I’ve decided I need to get more serious with my food. Sit it down and give it a good talking to. The exercise is there. I’m hitting my WOD’s, taking my long walks and getting out and being as active as much as possible. But what I really need to do, is amp up my commitment on the food-side of this 90-DC.

I want to reach that place I’ve never been able to reach before. There’s two months left to the 90-DC. Plenty of time to get even more serious, and finally cross a finish line in personal fitness I’ve only dreamt about, yet have never been able to actually achieve. In life there is no finish line, its a marathon, but there is a finality to the 90-DC. So why not take the opportunity to create an even more healthy, more solid, jumping off point for all future activities. There was a good article about this on Mark’s Daily Apple. I’ve read through the 21 Day Transformation, once. It’s time to give it another go, and put it into action.