Days 17 – 24 – Lost: Mojo

If we were friends on FB you might notice that my recent posts are trending along the following lines:

First official WOD back at Albany CrossFit in 6 weeks. I’m weak, and slow, my stamina is for sh*t.
But I’m ready.
And oh so happy.

Or, this:

Lost: one tall chick’s Mojo. If found, please feel free to kick its ass.
Reward offered.

Or, how ’bout this:

Last to finish tonight’s WOD, but I don’t mind at all. Patience. Thanks Kim Seevers and Pat Dee for the extra awesome-sauce encouragement. Oh, and for the double rainbow.

So, what’s happening? I’m not really sure. I wrote this whole long drawn out mellow-dramatic email to a friend last night trying to work through the possible scenarios of why I might be feeling so less than motivated; change in staffing, member turn-over, or the obvious like loss of strength and stamina… Am I drinking too much coffee? Has the Whole30 made me too clean? Who knows.

The real point here is this: It’s Life. Change is constant. It will always be this way.

Here’s another news flash: Some days are harder than others. Yep. It’s true. So what do you do?

You have friends that post things like this to your timeline when you’re feeling like a total slacker:

someone has to be awesome339_n

And then if you can, reach out to another friend, an old coach, a mentor, someone that knew you when – that perhaps you have not connected with in a while that knows your history and where you started. Tell them your more recent story and ask them for help.

Ask for help. Reach out.

Maybe they can do something, maybe they can’t, but it will get you telling your story and flushing out what it might be that really has got you stuck. This process in itself can be cleansing.

Then, if necessary, if you start cherry-picking the WODs and making daily excuses as to why you can’t show up, as to why you deserve to eat ice cream out of the container on a daily basis, put out another ask, and another; I’m planning on going to the 5pm, anyone want to meet me? I guarantee a bevy of hands will go up and this will be the greatest motivating factor of all.

Friends encourage friends to do good.

If you’re interested, here’s the email I sent to Dean. It’s been almost a year since training together, and I just need the help, the motivation, the shove off from shore. We meet on Friday at noon.

Hi Dean,
I hope you are well. It’s good to be in touch with you again. I missed you! Sometimes I feel like, where did everybody go?
So, just some personal history, I stopped training for six weeks, beginning in April, for some minor surgery. Had a large fibroid removed (girl stuff…) I’m fine now but lost a lot of my stamina and some strength during the six week hiatus. It’s slowly coming back but I think the one thing I miss most of all in all of this, is: my motivation, my mojo.  Have you seen it?  What happened to it?  I dunno.
I’ve been eating clean, Whole30, the past 3 weeks and that feels good. Other than building up my strength again, I mostly want to work on my form, getting down and under the bar when I clean or snatch. My form probably makes the coaches cry under the privacy of darkness.
I’d like to improve it.
As for measureable goals, I’m going to be hitting DT in the next week probably at 85 or 90lbs, and then plan to do so again at the end of the summer at RX. 105 overhead is a big deal for me. I’m also signed up to compete in the Mass State Strongman on August 10. I can bring the print out with me when we meet.
Anyway, I hope you are well.  Talk to you soon. see you on Friday at noon.
Here was his response:
Mary, we will find your mojo!!!!!
I feel better already.

12-21-12. To the good.

“It must happen to us all…We pack up what we’ve learned so far and leave the familiar behind. No fun, that shearing separation, but somewhere within, we must dimly know that saying goodbye to safety brings the only security we’ll ever know.” ― Richard Bach

st pats

So the world did not end. Although it’s raining and blowing sideways here in the Northeast today. I wonder about all the doomes-dayers stepping out of their bugout bunkers into the world again, eyes blinking against the daylight. I understand where the fear comes from. Or the need to feel in control to the best of our ability, prepared against any possible scenario. I’m not sure what I would do if the world actually did end. I don’t have the resources to build a bunker. Not sure what I would do locked in there for days on end. I’m mostly of the mind frame that I’d rather not think about the world ending and do my best right here and now. Even on this rainy day.

Mostly I relate to the need to feel safe. But safety is relative. You cannot plan for everything. I had some vivid dreams last night about being trapped on an island that was being attacked from the sea and sky and I was calling out for Oliver to come home but I was standing in the middle of an open field and finding nowhere safe to run. I’m glad I woke up. This is what fear does. There are certain things we cannot control. I cannot control whether the world ends. I can control how I spend my moments in it. I like the Keep Calm and Carry On approach. With some Crossfit and Strongman tossed in for good measure. I like feeling that in regards to my health, I’m prepared to the best of my ability. By being the fittest I can possibly be. I can run to safety even if safety is really far away. Or throw Oliver over my shoulders. Or climb a rope.

I have finally accomplished that goal by the way. Successfully completed my first rope climb on Sunday. For someone with less than stellar upper body strength in proportion to their size and shape, climbing a rope to 15′ off the ground is a pretty freaking fantastic feeling.

So I steer my mind to the good.