“Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all.”
― Emily Dickinson

I. CrossFit Games Open WOD 12.5:

Complete as many reps as possible in 7 minutes of the following rep scheme:
Thruster, 3 reps
3 Chest to bar Pull-ups
Thruster, 6 reps
6 Chest to bar Pull-ups
Thruster, 9 reps
9 Chest to bar Pull-ups
Thruster, 12 reps
12 Chest to bar Pull-ups
Thruster, 15 reps
15 Chest to bar Pull-ups
Thruster, 18 reps

Etc. until you just can’t go anymore, or the clock runs out.

Completed: at 65lbs. Scaled to ring rows. 12 Rounds plus 7.

There’s something about Thrusters. When I see them in a WOD I immediately get crazy nervous.

Thankfully these days I’m somehow long past not showing up for a WOD that scares me. No matter what’s prescribed if it’s my day to go, it’s my day to go.

Before it was 3, 2, 1 … Go! for today’s WOD as I was setting up my bar and my rings, my stomach turned in on itself and my heart started to pound. It was that old familiar dreadful fear. I didn’t want to do what I was about to do. And the thoughts began to creep in; ‘You don’t have to do this, go lighter on the bar, skip today and come back tomorrow..’

Thrusters in particular have this effect.

I didn’t leave. I stayed and completed the WOD. And just like all those days before chronicled here, I was so happy I stayed and fought through the fear.

There’s a lesson that needs to be learned although I’m not quite sure it ever will be: it never gets any easier. The fear never goes away. It simply does not. The fear revisits with all its intensity and indifference and sometimes feels even worse than the time before and you still have to find that certain something within yourself that says, I’m ready. Let’s go.

down the rabbit hole.

“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear.” ― Mark Twain

Friday was Friday Night Fights. ACF vs. CFCP. ACF in red. CFCP in blue. I registered confidently for this friendly competition. Wanting to work hard with my fellow athletes and test the competition water in a supportive friendly environment. The stakes were low, other than to be sure to work hard and have a good time.

The expected outcome: for my body to do what I was asking it to do. Just like any other WOD, when I concentrate, when I’m warm, when I want to push, my body says, Okay, let’s do this. And it does.

What actually happened: it started with the warmup of a simple round of 6-10 burpees. My legs began to ache. Not the traditional ache like, well this sucks, it’s going to be hard but we’re just warming up, we can take it. Carry on.

No, it was more like, we refuse to move anymore. We refuse to bend as you ask, to support your body weight as you ask, to react quickly like you ask. The round of burpees ended, I could feel the hesitation in my legs to do work but brushed it off: Just warming up, nothing like a little pre-game fear, all is well, let’s get onto the workout.

Flash forward to my segment of the team WOD: as many 20″ box jumps as possible in 3 minutes. I can do this, I thought, and stepped up to tackle the movement. I’ve just come off a PR of 28″ box jumps while training with Dean, I said. I can do box jumps all day.

Cut to: 3, 2, 1… Go. And the box jumps begin. Keep your pace strong and steady, I tell myself. And I do, for almost the first minute. But then the ache in the legs begins to reappear. The thighs start to throb with fatigue. Keep going I tell myself. 1:13 on the clock, just under two minutes to go.

And then the fear set in. And it never left.

I transitioned to a couple step ups just to slow down the pace, and the racing heart, thinking it would be all that I would need to get back to the box jumps. But as soon as I tried to jump up again, total fail. Barely made the lip of the box to steady myself, before falling back off, failing to extend legs or hips fully at the top. The jump was so wobbly, so unsteady, what ever shred of confidence remained soon evaporated.

My mind disappeared down the rabbit hole of fear.

The clock read 1:33 to go. My legs were screaming, unsteady, aching. My mind was swimming in the idea that soon I would fall and hurt myself. Whatever happens don’t you dare stop, I told myself. You can not, you will not stop. The step ups continued in their slow wobbly pace and it was all I could do but to pray for the clock to run out. And it eventually did. How I was physically able to push to finish I’m not certain. Technically the step ups did not count. But I ended with 76 total. It may seem like a lot, but, it’s not. Not even close. Most importantly, the ache; where did it come from, what was it, and how was it so powerfully paralyzing? It is very scary when you ask your body to do something, and it does not respond.

To test the scenario, I plan to hit another 3 minute AMRAP of 20″ box jumps sometime this week. Through a process of elimination, I plan to understand what exactly happened. And do everything I can to prevent it from happening again.

Saturday Team WOD

Team WOD results: 

Station 1 – Box Jumps and overhead hold: Box jumps @ 20″ and Over head hold @ 25lbs.: Total reps 176.

Station 2 – Back squats @ 75lbs., team held during reps: Total reps 169.

Stations 3 – 14lbs. Wall Balls and pull up hold: Total reps 194.

Station 4 – 250 Meter row: Total meters 1634.


Signed up for a Team WOD today. My first ever. Nothing like a little friendly CF competition. Charity WOD and BBQ to raise money for St. Jude’s. Feel like I might throw up from fright. But, I guess that’s why we do these things. To face that fear and see it thru to the other side. When working with a team I push extra hard. Want to match the efforts of the team and of course want to WIN. Go Team!

Ever wonder the definition of Godspeed or God Speed? Turns out: “It comes from the Middle English expression “God spede (you)”, a wish for success and fortune for one setting out on an enterprise, voyage, adventure, or travels. It may also mean good luck.”

They just posted the Team WOD. If I thought I might throw up from fright before, pretty certain I’m destined to now. Just have to put one foot in front of the other. Show up. And the rest will come. 3, 2, 1..Go!

Team WOD:

In Teams of 3-4:

Station 1:

Accumulate as many Box Jumps/Step Ups as possible in 7 minutes (30/24)

Scale Box Height as necessary.

Jumps will only count while another teammate has a 45lb Bumper plate locked out overhead.

Scale bumper weight as necessary.

Station 2:

Accumulate as many Back Squats (Women), Front Squats (Men) as possible in 7 minutes with 95lbs.

Bar cannot come to the ground. If it does it will be a 10 burpee penalty for all teammates.

Station 3:

Accumulate as many Wall Ball Shots as possible in 7 minutes (20/14)

Reps only count while another team members is in a pullup hold with their chin over the bar.

Scaling will be on rings with their chest to the rings in a ring row position.

Station 4:

AMRAP 250m Row in 7 minutes:

Each athlete must attempt to row an entire 250m.

*3 minutes Rest Between Stations