so that’s how I’m doing.

“Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair, but manifestations of strength and resolution.” ― Khalil Gibran
 
At the end of a meeting today a couple of coworkers were standing around talking about the new year and how it’s come and gone and the topic turned to New Years Resolutions and Goals…
 
As the group shared and commiserated about their New Years Resolutions someone asked, ‘So Mary, how have you been doing with your resolutions?’

I thought twice about sharing and then said:

‘I have not had sugar or any grains for 10 days.’

Crickets.

Collectively the group looked at me and said nothing.

Then someone asked, ‘Why?’

I struggled with a concise answer and do not remember my exact excuse of a response.

‘You’re nuts,’ they said.

Agreed.

So let’s ask the question again here, Why?

Why resolve to eat clean for the new year: no sugar or alcohol or grains or legumes or sulfites or cured meats or soy or even minimally processed foods. Why the strict diet with only the occasional slice of cheese and some heavy cream in your coffee?

Why would you do that to yourself?

There’s a list of reasons a lot of which are listed here at the Whole 30. One of my favorite websites on eating clean. But in truth the real answer as to why is:

To challenge myself.

That’s it. That’s all I’ve got. Because I Can.

That might not help you if you have had the pleasure of working with me or happened to be walking next to me these last few days as it seems the dial’s been turned up a bit. Almost to 11. Sensors are on overdrive. I went from wanting to put my head down at my desk and take a nap to being overtly alert. Too alert. The ADD or OCD or a double down dose of both has kicked in and I’m just a wee bit antsy and only a tad bit agitated when poked. Poking can be defined in many ways from asking to help unpack a car from a recent event to saying good morning how are you. Is this what manic feels like?

I just decided it would probably be a good idea to stay away from FB for a bit otherwise I’ll be commenting and posting on every damn sunset and puppies photo that appears in my feed. I’m just hyper sensitive right now. From being in tears on the drive to work listening to a story on NPR about lifelong friendships to fits of laughter after reading an ecard and marveling how it can so eloquently equate drinking wine with just not giving a shit about anything. Give me strength.

So, that’s how I’m doing. Damnit.

Normally I would just go to ACF and hit a WOD and work it out but I’m also tired in some muted lethargic way and simply need a rest day after 4 days straight including a second 10K row and Strongman last night where I jammed my middle finger trying to catch the 90lbs stone on the rebound. See? Manic.

Tomorrow will be a full WOD day complete with a personal training session followed by an evening with the ladies training and lifting and focusing on form at another garage gym downtown. Yes this will be my Friday.

Note: There’s a deadline to this strict fast. – Jan 25 and my birthday weekend. The current goal is to get through the month of January strict. Then once past that hurdle to ease up on the brakes a bit. Not too much. Just enough. Perhaps to propel me past hermit status although I’m not sure how those about me might feel about this.

What exactly does this all mean I do not know. Yet.

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